


A Little Dream of Me

by youvebeenlivingfictional



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, I mean not really suicide but suicide, NSFW, Oral Sex, Sex, Smut, Suicide, Vaginal Fingering, it'll make sense if you read it - Freeform, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-07-23 09:37:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16156415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youvebeenlivingfictional/pseuds/youvebeenlivingfictional
Summary: All good things must come to an end. But one day I woke up and they just... didn’t. A hunter’s life is hard, and this was too good to be true.Not beta read.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is an idea I’ve had kicking around in my head for a couple of months. Lemme know what you guys think, of anyone wants a second part or... something?
> 
> Warnings: Graphic depictions of smut. Guys. It’s just filth, so. Suicidal action is also taken (fairly non-graphic but know that that is in here).

“Babe?…  _Babe_.” I snapped out of a daze like I was waking up. He was sitting right there, brows knitted together over those sweet green eyes. The kitchen was bright, the walls, a cool light blue. I looked around, frowning. Where were we? And who was he calling ‘babe’?

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I looked back at him.   
  
“Nothing… Is wrong? What’s wrong with you?” 

“I started talking about Sam and Jess’ wedding and you totally zoned.” I took a moment before nodding, slow. A demon. Had to be a demon. 

“Sorry, my head was uh… somewhere else.” 

“Long as you’re okay…You are, aren’t you?” 

“Of course I am.” 

“Dean!” I looked up as Sam came in through the kitchen door with a blonde who until now I had only seen in pictures. 

“Sammy! You’re early,” Dean got up from the table, walking over to his brother and giving him a one-armed hug before kissing Jess on the cheek. Sam smiled at me, stepping away from Jess and Dean as they exchanged pleasantries and coming to sit with me, pecking my cheek as he settled in beside me. I smiled, unable to help myself. Demon or not, it was Sam for crying out loud.

“You looking forward to the rehearsal dinner?” He asked.

“I feel like I should be asking you that… I mean,” I laughed loudly enough, getting everyone’s attention, 

“Christo, it feels like only yesterday you guys got engaged!”

No one’s eyes changed, though their expressions did shift into confusion.

“Babe?” Dean questioned. I slouched back in my seat, shrugging.

“Just mean it must be kinda stressful, is all.” Sam and Dean shared a look, one that I knew and didn’t like.

————————

“Christo?” Dean asked later, “Really?”

“Really what?” I asked, focusing on the bowl I was washing.

“Hey,” Dean reached out, resting his hand on my arm.

“It’s over, you know that. We’re free now, stop trying to bring us out of retirement. I get it, though. Sometimes I get the urge to check, too.”

I went quiet, setting the sponge and bowl down and shutting off the water before drying my hands.

“You do?” He nodded, gripping my wrist and turning me toward him.

“You don’t think I haven’t given you holy water before?” He was smiling mischievously, and I huffed before slapping him on the chest. He laughed, tugging me closer and wrapping an arm around my waist.

“Hey, you’ve been human every time!” He defended. I rested my hands on his chest. He was there. Warm. Solid.

“Just feels too good to be real,” I admitted, shaking my head. He nodded, resting his forehead against mine.

“It’s real.” I nodded a little, our noses nudging together.

“Real,” I repeated, quiet. He leaned down, pressing his lips gently to mine. I leaned up onto it, chasing the touch. His lips were soft and warm; when I slipped my tongue into his mouth, he tasted like coffee. He hummed as my hand slid into his hair, lightly scraping my nails over his scalp.

“Careful, angel,” he laughed a little as the kiss broke.

“Keep that up and I won’t be able to focus on the dishes.”

“The dishes can wait,” I said, leaning down and pressing a kiss to his jaw.

His fingers tightened in the fabric of my shirt, and he turned his head to murmur into my ear,

“If you don’t stop that now, I’m fucking you right here.”

“All talk, no action,” I taunted. He slid both hands to my waist and turned me, pressing me back to sit on the edge of the table. I pushed the plaid off his shoulders and tugged his shirt up to reveal his smooth skin. I groaned, leaning forward and kissing down his neck. He curled his fingers in my hair. I could feel him watching me. My fingers made quick work of his belt, then his button and zip.

He laughed breathily, reaching down and cupping my cheeks, pulling me up to look at him.

“Hey, hey. Slow down, angel. We got time.” We did? Since when did we have time? Since when did we have any of this? I leaned into the kiss he pulled me up for, fingers sliding greedily over the skin of his shoulders and back.

It was a dream. It had to be.

Just, I usually woke up by then. Castiel at my bedside, or Sam accidentally slamming the door as he went in for a shower, or Dean dropping his keys on the motel table.

Something.

I pushed the thought down as Dean’s head ducked down, kissing my cheek, a sweet counterpoint to where his hands were sliding down to cup and squeeze my ass. I pushed back into it and felt him smile against my skin. My head dropped back as his stubble scraped over my neck. I groaned, hips twitching forward as the sensation, and he echoed it, pushing my farther back onto the table before he tugged my shirt off.

I couldn’t lean back in for the kiss I wanted as he lowered his head, peppering kisses over my neck and chest as his fingers worked at the clasp of my bra. I shrugged it off and tossed it away before tugging him closer, pressing my chest against his as I kissed him hungrily.

I slid my hand down, palming his hard-on through his jeans. He pressed his hips forward, tightening his grip in my hair.

My mouth fell open in a gasp, eyes shooting open to stare up at him in wonder as my clit pulsed.

Since when did I like that?

Since when did he  _know_?

He grinned down at me wolfishly before leaning down, licking into my mouth and swallowing my moans as I pressed my hips forward, groping his dick more roughly.

“Need it bad, huh angel?” He asked as our sloppy kiss broke. I nodded almost dumbly, moaning brokenly as he tugged my hair again.

He was chuckling. He was so not allowed to chuckle when I was an absolute pile of mush in his arms.

“Gotta tell me what you want, baby,” he said.

There were a lot of things that I wanted, but the option that sounded the best to me was, “I want your dick in my mouth.”

Apparently that sounded best to him, too, because he gave me one more kiss before stepping back. I followed obediently, his hand still in my hair as I lowered myself to my knees.

I could feel him watching me as I tugged his jeans down to his thighs. I leaned forward, fitting my mouth over the head of his dick and suckling it through the fabric. He groaned quietly, lightly pulling my head back with one hand and reaching down with the other, pulling his boxer briefs down enough to expose himself.

I leaned forward, gripping him by the base and sliding the tip of my tongue up the underside. I teased it over the glans before taking his head fully into my mouth. I closed my eyes, my other hand settling on his thigh and giving it a gentle squeeze. He let out a breathy little laugh.

“God... Look so pretty, taking my dick like that,” he murmured. I moaned in response, unable to help it. The praise sounded so reverent, so sincere.

“Fuck...” he tugged my head back and I went, mouth falling open as his hand pushed mind away from him. He tapped his dick against my lips, then over my outstretched tongue. I leaned back in, mouthing along the side before turning my head, pressing a kiss to the crease of his hip. I peered up at him for approval and was met with a hungry stare.

“Gimme another suck, baby... get me nice ‘n wet, that’s it.” I sank my mouth onto his length, bobbing my head. When he pulled my head back again, vice-like grip in my hair, a string of spit connected between me and the head of his dick. He pulled me up, kissing me thoroughly, tongue swiping over my lips and into my mouth. He pressed me back against the table, pushing my legs up, knees bent. He reached into his back pocket, and I heard him rip open a condom packet. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I recognized how crazy I must’ve sounded when I whined,

“No.”

He looked down at me, brow furrowing.

“No... no condom?” He asked. I swallowed thickly, biting my lip.

“Wanna... I wanna feel you.”

His expression was unreadable for a moment before tossing the condom packet onto the table.

“Alright,” he murmured. He tossed me a packet of lube.

“Stretch yourself. I wanna watch.” I fumbled with the packet, tearing it open as he reached down, tugging down my shorts, and my underwear with them. I shivered as the air hit me, suddenly feeling all too hot and incredibly exposed.

He was murmuring, almost talking me through it as I added one finger, then another, then a third, until I was whining and grinding down against my fingers.

“Dean,” I murmured, panting, looking down at him.

“Need you in me. Please? Need you to fuck me—“ the words weren’t out of my mouth before he reached down and gripped my wrist. He brought my fingers to his mouth, sucking each of them, moaning around them. I hooked my ankles around the backs of his thighs, tugging him closer. He chuckled, lowering my hand to the table before he leaned over me, one hand bracing himself against the table as the other took hold of himself.

He pushed in, eyes closing as he did so. I couldn’t close mine. I was still sure I was going to wake up. I watched as his eyes squeezed shut, brow furrowing, mouth going slack. His hand slid to my hip, giving me a squeeze.

I reached up, cupping his cheek, smoothing my thumb over his cheekbone. He opened his eyes a bit, and smiled down at me, turning his face to press a kiss to my palm.

“Feel so fucking good,” he murmured into my skin. I smiled, trying to press down against him. He let out a shaky laugh.

“Don’t even think about it, baby. I’m about to lose it here.”

“You can lose it. I won’t mind.” He laughed again, leaning down and kissing me. I let my hand slide from his cheek to the back of his neck, holding him close.

“Mmm,” He hummed against my lips, chuckling again as I squirmed. 

“C’mon,” I murmured. He gave my hip another quick squeeze before he straightened. He pulled back, nearly pulling out before he bucked his hips forward. I threw my head back, letting out a low moan as he began to fuck me properly. I didn’t recognize half of the sounds coming out of my mouth; my fingers gripped at Dean’s arms, scratching him a bit as I did so. 

“Fuck,” He hissed out, rolling his hips. His hands slid up, cupping my breasts, lightly rubbing and pinching my nipples. I tugged him closer until he was draped over me. 

“I’m not gonna last, baby,” He warned. I tightened my ankles around his thighs. His hips stuttered as he came, and I moaned as I felt him cum inside me. His head dropped to my shoulder as he shook through his orgasm. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, sliding my fingers into his hair. I frowned when he pulled away, but then he was dropping to his knees, hooking his arms under my hips and tugging forward until my ass was nearly hanging off of the table. His face was back between my legs in a moment, tongue lathing over my clit before he brought his fingers up, parting my lips and licking into me. 

I gasped as he sloppily lapped at me, torn between pushing forward and chasing my orgasm against his tongue and pulling away at the overwhelming sensation of his stubble scraping at me, his hot tongue over my already overheated flesh. 

“D—Dean— _Dean_ ,” I was half-screaming his name. He pinned my hips as I came, bucking against his face, sitting upright and gripping at his head. I settled back down with a high-pitched moan, head lolling back. 

“Oh… man,” I sighed. I could feel Dean moving, my legs dangling over the edge of the table as he slotted himself back between my hips. He slid his arms under my shoulders, tugging me up against his chest. I wrapped my legs around his waist, humming as he lifted me. 

“Where’re we goin’,” I mumbled into his shoulder. 

“Bed,” He murmured. I hummed, nipping at his skin and sucking a my the spot a moment later. He stilled.

“We’re only at the stairs, baby. Do that again and I may have to fuck you on ‘em.” I gave his skin another suck, smiling as I felt the rumble of his laugh before he carried me up. He lowered me onto the bed, carefully shaking me off. I curled up into my side, nuzzling into our pillows and sighing at the scent of us. 

“Babe,” I heard him sigh, amused. I shifted when he moved me, laying on my back. He cleaned me gently before he gathered me into his arms. I went easily, hand splaying out over his stomach. He pushed my hair back from my face, fingers trailing over my neck. 

“Did you start birth control and not tell me?” He asked. 

“Hmmmm?” 

“Haven’t told me to cum in you, like… Ever.” 

“Sssssssh sleep now, talk later,” I mumbled. I closed my eyes as Dean nuzzled into my hair. 

“I love you so much, sweetheart,” He murmured. I was grateful when he fell asleep before I did. I needed to snoop, uninterrupted.

————

“Hey— hey, don’t do this,” Dean was stepping closer. I had hated this, hated hating it, but if I was right, and it was a djinn, then I wasn’t the only one in danger.

That was why I was on that ledge, wobbly and shaking. 

“We can be happy here, you and me… You and me and Sammy and Jess and—“ Dean was promising, inching closer, like any sudden movements would spook me over the edge, but he wasn’t Dean. He wasn’t my Dean, wasn’t the nerdy, stubborn, caring guy that had no idea I was in love with him. I shook my head, cutting him off. 

“It’s not real,” I sobbed. 

“None of this—“ 

“Can be if you stay here…Come on, stay,” He soothed, reaching his hand out. 

“I love you,” I breathed before I let myself fall back off of the roof.

————————

“Sweetheart? Hey, come on—  _Sam, she’s here!_ — Look at me, open your eyes, please… Please.” I couldn’t help but oblige, and I blinked slowly, looking up at Dean in the dim light of the abandoned house I’d been held captive in. His eyes widened as he breathed out, “Fuck, thank god.”

I let my eyes close again, head drooping, relieved to be right.

————————

I’d already said my goodbyes to Sam, gotten a good hug and told to give everyone at the Roadhouse my best. 

Dean, though.

When I’d told him I was leaving for a bit he’d raised a brow and shrugged a shoulder and said, “Sure, angel.”

I couldn’t blame him— I’d said it and changed my mind before. There was no point in taking a break; a hunter’s job was never really done, and this wasn’t the kind of life you could just quit. It had been me and Sam and Dean for nearly two years.

But this was the first time I’d packed, first time I’d rented a car to get myself to Nebraska. He was leaning against the driverside door when I got outside, shifting my bag on my shoulder, staring at his shoes as though he’d never seen anything so interesting.

I opened the back door, tossing my bag in before I came to stand in front of him. Neither of us said anything for a while. When he lifted his head to look at me, I looked away.

“Look, I won’t be at Ellen’s forever,” I shifted from foot to foot. I couldn’t look him in the eye, hadn’t been able to since I woke up. 

“Just a couple of weeks… A month or something—“

“A month?” 

“Dean, jesus, I just—“ I snapped, “I—… I need to get my head on straight. It’s not right now, it hasn’t been since—“

“I know,” He said. It felt harsh. I looked back up at him, looking him in the eye, finally. 

“I’ll call you when I get to Ellen’s.” He nodded, but I could hear the unspoken ‘whatever’ as he pushed off of the door of my car. He reached for his hand as he stepped past me, and he stopped, turning to look at me.   
  
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. He shook his head, leaning down and pressing a kiss to my forehead and murmuring, “Drive safe,” Before he went back into the motel room. 

I got into the car, peeling like the parking lot like a bat out of hell, not wanting either of the boys to see me tearing up. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't go home again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figured I’d give this another shot? This chapter switches point of view so heads up on that. It’s sectioned off, though. It also has a time jump? Is that a spoiler? 
> 
> Warnings: Some light smutty stuff, but not as explicit as the last chapter.

“You ever gonna tell me what happened out there?” Ellen asked. I glanced up from the glass I was drying before setting it down on the counter.   
  
“Doesn’t matter.”   
  
“Had to do with one of those boys and I’ll bet I know which one.”   
  
“I’ll bet I don’t wanna talk about it.”

I’d been there for a week, and Ellen, Jo, and Ash had been trying to wheedle why I was there since I’d gotten there. I told them what I’d told Sam: I needed a break.

Sam understood. He knew what it was like to be out of the game, to have some quiet.

Ash and Jo had asked me,  _‘But why?’_

Only Ellen had ferreted out that it had something to Dean. She knew I had a thing for him, but stopped asking questions whenever Jo came into the room.

I wasn’t the only one with feelings for him.

I didn’t know the depth of Jo’s, but I also didn’t want to know. I hated bringing him up, could feel myself quieting whenever he was mentioned. How could I not? The djinn had manipulated me, given me the picture of my perfect life, and it was him. Us. Retired, happy. We’d even talked about marriage.

I shook my head, loosing myself of the thought.  _We_  hadn’t spoken about it.

It had been a dream.

A couple weeks at Ellen’s rolled into a month, a month rolled into two, until I’d been there almost six months.

I still talked to Sam and Dean on the phone. Neither of them asked me when I was coming back. Sometimes I could hear it on Dean’s tongue, half-breathed out before it was pushed away by a question about the weather.

Some part of me, some small, stupid part wanted him to ask me to come back. I knew he wouldn’t.

I was different when I wasn’t around Dean. Not better or worse, just different. A little more sure of myself. I began to work my own jobs, ganking ghouls, wrangling werewolves, taking down vampires. I helped who I could, never stayed in one place for too long, never forgetting Dean.

Until I met someone that could almost make me forget him.

—————

The last place Dean expected to find himself was chained to a ladder in the year 2014. Nothing was what he knew. Castiel was a frickin’ hippy, and he himself, in the future, was a hard-ass.   
  
But then he saw  _her_.

First she was just a streak of color, and Dean assumed she was a Croat. As she got closer and closer, though, he recognized the bright eyes, the fierceness in her face as she refused to look back at what was giving her chase. She got a good grip on the fence, helping the child she’d been running with up and over before she made her way over herself. Her shirt caught on the fence on her way over, and she fell to the ground in a heap, going slack, safe, chest heaving from her run.

Dean looked over at his older counterpart and was stunned to see the purely uncaring, almost disdainful look that was being directed at her. Dean jogged over, kneeling beside her and holding a hand out to help her sit up.   
  
“Alright, come on,” He said lightly. She didn’t look at him, still breathing heavily, though her head whipped around when he asked,   
  
“You okay, angel?”   
  
“You…” She said quietly, brow furrowing. “You haven’t called me that in years.” Dean’s frown matched hers, and he watched as her eyes settled on the other Dean.   
  
“Where the fuck are you from?” She asked after a moment, looking up at him, wondrous.   
  
“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Was his answer as he helped her off of the ground.

—————

I couldn’t stop watching him. His face was softer, less tired, more expressive. If Dean now, my Dean, still cared about me at all, he never let it show. But this man…

He kept looking over, silently checking to see if I was alright, almost like he was making sure that I was still there. He sat beside me on my cot, socked feet tucked under my thighs like he always used to when his feet were cold. I felt my eyes well up with hot tears and I looked away, at my water bottle, blinking them back rapidly.   
  
“Zachariah, huh?” I spoke up first. He’d explained how he was here, why, but that didn’t make it any easier to swallow.   
He nodded.   
  
“Yeah. Old Zach snapped me right back.  Well, forward. Said he needs me to see how things turn out if I don’t…”   
  
“Don’t become Michael’s meat-puppet,” I filled in. His lips quirked in a  small smile, and he nodded.   
  
“Exactly.”   
  
“Sucks,” I offered, and he nodded again.   
  
“Does.”   
  
We were quiet for a while, nothing between us but the pounding of the rain on the roof.   
  
“Where, uh—“ He started, and stopped when I turned my head to look at him.   
  
“Where  _are_  you? When I am, I mean. I’ve been looking for you for months.”   
  
“Dean,” I sighed heavily, running my hand through my hair.   
  
“I hate to say this to you, but you can’t find me when you’re from is because I don’t want you to find me.” I hated watching his face fall, and his eyes dropped to his lap.

“Did I do something?”   
  
“It’s not something you did, it’s what I didn’t do.” He rolled his eyes, head resting back against the wall with a ‘thud’.   
  
“Still speaking in riddles, angel.”   
  
“Gets worse with age, sorry to say,” I smiled a little. He took a sip from the beer can his hand.

“Does it have to do with that djinn?” My brows rose.

“You remember that?”

“It changed you. Changed us. It’s pretty hard for me to forget. I mean, you said you’d be gone for a month at best, now it’s been a year.” I scooted closer to sit beside him against the wall.

“Can you at least... can you tell me?” I pursed my lips, weighing my options.

“If I do,” I said, “You can’t tell... Me. God that sounds weird.” He laughed, and I smiled.

And I spilled. I told him everything from my dream, all that I could remember. It was hard to forget. By the end of it, both of us were a little misty-eyed.

“You wanted all of that with me?” He asked. I could feel him staring, but I hadn’t been able to meet his eyes for a good hour.

“What about now? I mean, the me out there barely gave you a second look.” I nodded.

“You and I haven’t been on good terms for a while. He says I get too attached to people, that the life we live in now has no room for attachments.”

“When I’m from, wherever you are, is that still something you want?”

“Yes.”

“Do you still want me now?” I swallowed thickly before admitting,

“Yes.”

His hand felt so warm and comforting on my cheek as he turned my head toward his. My heart jumped as he ducked toward me, looking me in the eye one more time before he pressed his lips to mine. My hand slid over his thigh, tentative.

His tongue slid along the seam of my lips, and I opened to him. He groaned quietly, and I echoed it. I pulled away after a few moments and calmed the nervous look on his face when I straddled his thighs, taking his face in my hands and pulling him into another kiss.

“Know what would be crazy?” He murmured between kisses. I hummed a questioning sound.

“If I got you pregnant and had a future-kid,” he was smiling against my lips, and I pulled back, swatting at his shoulder.

“These are no conditions to raise a child in, Winchester. Especially if the-you-now wouldn’t help me.” He looked thoughtful, a little sad.

“You really don’t think I would?” I sighed, my hand dropping to his collar.

“Dean, that guy has lost everything he loves.”

“Hasn’t lost you.”

“He doesn’t love me.”

“I do, though, that’s gotta mean he does.” My forehead dropped against his, and I closed my eyes.

“Maybe he did,” I conceded before kissing him again.

His hands slid under my shirt before I leaned back, letting him take it off of my shirt. His followed, and my bra after that. Dean’s lips skimmed over my jaw and neck before they drifted lower, peppering kisses along my collarbone.

“Dean,” I mumbled as I squirmed, impatient. He smiled.

“We’ve both waited for this, angel. Wanna do it right.”

—————

“What’s his name?” I didn’t answer at first, fingers tracing over Dean’s chest.   
  
“Why do you want to know?” I asked. Dean shrugged, my head lifting with his movement.   
  
“Guess I just wanna know what my competition is like.” I rolled my eyes, tipping my head up to look at him.   
  
“Tommy. His name was Tommy.”   
  
“What’d Tommy have that I didn’t?”   
  
“This isn’t a contest, Dean.” He grumbled, looking away and combing his fingers through my hair.

“We’re going on a... trip tomorrow,” He said lightly. I raised my brows.

“You mean Dean’s plan to take Lucifer down?” He nodded.

“You think it’s gonna work?” I asked.

“It has to,” Dean said. I looked down, trailing my fingers over his chest.

“You shouldn’t be going with them. You need to find a way back home,” I said firmly.

Dean tipped my chin up, leaning down and kissing me gently.   
  
“I’ll always find my way back to you, angel.”


End file.
